Joke 1
5 important rules for men to lead on a happy life...
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
Joke 2
The correct way to come home drunk....man this is nice guys....
Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says,
" You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes Up, and Yells at me for staying out so late.
His friend looks at him and says " Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say!, WHO'S HORNY????!!! " and she acts like she's sound asleep!
Works Every Time.
Joke 3
LOL...this is cool....DO U NOE ME??? HAHAHA...
A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do you know me?"
She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!" His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my rear?"
"No", she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher".
Joke 4
HAHA...this oso nice ....
A very loud, unattractive, acidic-acting woman walks into the Warehouse with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Warehouse Security dude says, "Good morning and welcome to the Warehouse .... nice children you've got there - are they twins?"
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins?........ Do you really think they look alike?"
"Ahhh, No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"
Joke 5
LOL....NICE for computer freaks....enjoy!
Dear Tech Support, I need your computer advice as a friend is having trouble with his system.
Last year he upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which he'd used for years without trouble.
However, apparently there are conflicts between these two systems, the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend with the sound turned off, but to make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as; Lads Night Out 3.1,Golf 2 and Playboy 6.0.
Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better, Girlfriend 3.0 has many Bugs and left a virus in his system, forcing him to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually he tried installing Girlfriend 2.1 as well as Girlfriend 1.0 only to discover when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to all his hardware. Sensing a way out, he upgraded to Fiancee. 1.0 only to discover to his dismay that this system requires rapid upgrading to Wife 1.0. However, whilst Wife 1.0 uses up all available resources it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse 2000.
But imagine my friends disappointment on discovering that not only can Wife 1.0 be unstable and costly to maintain, but also that any mistakes he makes are automatically stored in Wife 1.0 Hardrive and can not be deleted. They then re-surface months later .
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic InterDiary Explorer and E-mail Porn Filter, and automatically runs UltraSTROP and WINGE.zip. No option on the Help menu seems to work, leaving him to try and guess the fault himself.
The system footprint needs updating regularly requiring Shoeshop browserPro for new attachments - Hairstyle express needs to be reinstalled every week. It also refused some of the new Games and attachments he wanted to try, stating they are an Illegal operation.
When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to Car 1.0 it often crashes or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law, which can't be turned off. Recently he's been tempted to try Mistress Millennium add-on, but we have heard there could be problems.
If wife 1.0 detects the presence of mistress 2000, it will delete all MS Money files before un-installing itself.
Is this a common problem?
SMILE GUYS! : )
